By McKenzie Feldman
Class of 2023
Sin is something I never want to talk about.
I find false comfort in painting this perfect, composed, bubbly picture of myself to others, and sin just makes the canvas messy and distorts what I want people to think of me. So, I pick the shiniest and most pigmented hues to try and cover up any and all blemishes, believing I’ve prevented sin from slipping through the cracks.
But as we all know, that’s just not how it works. Yet I still try to convince myself that I’m not in need of Jesus’ grace.
The pattern of thinking goes something like this: “Thank you Jesus for what you did on the cross, but you don’t have to worry about me. I got this; I’ll make you proud.”
Silly, I know. I’m not quite sure where this broken pattern of thinking emerged in my story, but I am sure of one thing: My time as a Charlotte Fellow has completely blown my cover.
While this program has blessed me with more than I could ever imagine, it’s also exposed many parts of myself that I try so hard to hide. And though this is extremely uncomfortable, it is SO necessary. When you are a part of such a tight-knit community and see the same people day after day, it becomes hard to cover the parts of yourself you’ve hidden for so long.
The beauty of this fellows program is that though you will make mistakes and you will show parts of yourself you’ve never let people see before, you are met with a loving and forgiving community -- A beautiful picture of relationship with Jesus and his ministry to our hearts.
So why do we try to hide from others and from God? Well, we just have to look at what happened in the garden. After Adam and Eve tried to be “like God” by eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they immediately tried to hide from God’s presence. Knowing they did something wrong, they quickly tried to rectify the act by covering their nakedness with fig leaves (Gen. 3:7). Instead of reaching for the mercy of their Creator, they tried to flee from the only One who could overcome their shame.
The truth is, Jesus doesn’t want us to hide. Instead, he invites us to partake in a relationship with Him AND others. In fact, Scripture tells us that we are better together than we are alone (Romans 12:4-5). Community is God’s desire for us. There are things he wants to do in us that can only come out of a community centered on him.
And this is all made possible by his grace.
“The Son of grace shines the light of his grace into the darkest recesses of our hearts, not as an act of vengeance or punishment, but as a move of forgiving, transforming, and delivering grace... Yes, it is the light of exposure, but what will be exposed has already been covered by the blood of the One who exposes it.” – Paul David Tripp, New Morning Mercies
And that is one of the greatest things gifted to me through the fellows program – A better understanding of God’s grace. This loving community pushes me to fall into grace and cling to the promises of Jesus instead of hiding from Him.
So yes, your cover will be blown as a fellow, but it will make way for humility, true sanctification, honest friendships, and lots and lots of laughs along the way. For that, I’m thankful.